The thing is, each time it never felt real. Never was truly my words. Each time I sat down to blog, I felt like I have for every day of my life for the last several years of my life. Fake. Pretend. A Charlatan, if you would. And, every time I sat down to write a blog, I told myself I'd be 'real', but my reservations of people actually finding out the real me isn't what they wanted or envisioned or needed won out, and the drive to be accepted and well liked won out.
The majority of my life, I've been one of those adaptive people. For a while I simply ignored the fact that inside my person had become a grey, impressionable, copy cat. At some point I must have figured being well liked was becoming who every one else wanted. Lately I can't ignore that pathetic state I'm in. I've become emotionless for the most part. Soul less. Numb. Numb, to who I am, my opinions, my emotions.
I'm changing that.
The pretender is coming out, here I am. Who exactly that is...... we'll just have to find out.
-Char
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